i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
