I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
