he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
