I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
