He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
