Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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