I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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