i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
