I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
