that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
