just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
