my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
