Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
