You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
