I'm jealous of your bromance
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
