sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
