she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
