I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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