Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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