if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
