just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
