my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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