So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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