you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
