Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
