I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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