We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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