Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
