I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
