you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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