I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
