Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
