I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
