I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
