I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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