I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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