his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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