well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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