what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
