think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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