So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
should my penis look like a turkey
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
