Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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