hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sex in a hospital.. check
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
