A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
