I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
