i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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