Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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