I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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