I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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