my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
