girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
