I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
